I was one of those teenagers who did not dare to go outside when their face was full of a kind of volcanoes about to erupt. I was one of those girls who begged her mother not to force her to go to class because she did not want to be teased that day that the makeup could not completely disguise a pimple. I was one of those young people who preferred not to go out with his friends so that no one saw his appearance and who cried every night for looking so horrible.
And now that I'm a mother, I wonder If my child has acne and also affects him psychologically, what can I do to help him?
The fear of rejection
I know that my parents went through this hard stage of my life the best they could or acting as they thought would help me the most.
I think I remember that only once did I move my mother enough to allow me not to go to school. The rest of the time he insisted on telling me that the physicist was not everything and that I had many other skills for which they should value me.
But all those words, spoken from the deepest affection, fell in broken sack, at a time when you saw your friends 'triumph' among the boys and felt that you were moving away from them because you did not fit: you were a monster (or at you felt less like that).
In Babies and more These are the main physical changes children experience before and during adolescenceOf course I visited all the dermatologists who recommended us, tried different treatments and nothing finished working. I lived, or rather I lived badly, with my beans until I was 20 years old and even many more years I felt self-conscious about the marks left on my face.
It is true that my case of acne was very aggressive and that most of the boys go through intermittent but not so strong outbreaks. Even so, and after talking with the psychologist Luis Antón, I have been able to verify that fears and lack of self-esteem attack the same, as soon as you feel observed / observed by those unwanted grains.
And, although the way of dressing or the names of the juvenile tribes have changed, the desire to fit remains the same and, many times, the physical changes (call them acne, abundant chest, michelines ...) do not help.
Anton works with teenagers at IPSIA (Advanced Psychotherapies Institute) and explains what parents can do to help our children cope with those fears.
Need to be accepted by their peers
Children who come to your office, says the expert in adolescence, come from problems of shyness, self-esteem, often caused or aggravated by an undesirable physical appearance. And acne has a great presence in that image that the mirror returns and that they don't accept.
It is from 12-13 years when our children begin to suffer changes in their own body of the age, just at the moment in which the opinion that their peers on them becomes very important and need to be accepted in their group. That need becomes even greater at 15-16 years and, if it is not achieved, depression, stress and anxiety can appear.
In Babies and moreOur teenagers are discovering who they are: how to help them overcome their insecuritiesIn fact, the psychologist says that this need has a biological explanation, since it is vital for our survival to deal with equals, to be accepted.
From the age of 15, the most delicate age
Between the ages of 15 and 16, our children go through two processes:
Social positioning, among equals.
Positioning against the opposite sex: what do you think about the sex that attracts me to me (we talk about the opposite sex, although it is understood that it may be the same).
And to fit 'in his tribe' he must succeed in both and the two are interrelated. To facilitate this, they gather in similar groups where they believe they fit in, where everyone dresses the same, they listen to the same music ...
In Babies and more My teenage son is no longer a child, but he still needs me even moreThe psychologist explains that all teenagers seek to be important in their social group and succeed with the sex that attracts them. In this way, if you are well placed in your social status you will be successful between the opposite sex and if you are successful among girls or boys, more points in their social status will rise.
How to detect that something is wrong?
When acne, or other physical changes affect the young person, their parents may notice symptoms of anxiety, lack of social interaction, which are isolated.
Luis Antón points out that it is now more difficult for parents to detect the problem, because now children are protected from social rejection through video consoles and social networks: playing and participating online allows them to interact with other equals, without having to go out to the street and get hooked on it so as not to feel so displaced. "But this is far from the solution", he clarifies, because they get hooked on the screens and stop having skills for their social life.
"In this case, although the child laughs with 'his friends online' and seems to 'fit in', the truth is that outside this remote situation he does not enjoy social interactions and suffers. He needs help."
That is the opinion of the psychologist based on his experience, and adds that "These insecurities can come from the physical changes of adolescence that they do not understand and from an appearance that they do not like, and that can aggravate an existing shyness and previous insecurity."
What can we do to help them?
If we notice that they do not want to get out of bed, they apologize for not going to class, do not laugh or have not been with their friends for a long time, it is time to ask for professional help to indicate the steps to take. According to the psychologist:
1. We have to teach them to regulate their emotions. That is "others have the opinion they want from you, but that does not influence you, does not affect you." You have to look for the tools to go to class even on the days when acne is very visible and can laugh at the boy. And, to create those automatic defense mechanisms, you have to make him think well of himself. If you don't work, you can end up in bullying and hurt them a lot.
In Babies and more Ten key experts to combat and prevent bullying2. Highlight your positive skills. You have to find a skill that is good for you and that is valued at your age, to strengthen your self-esteem and thus escalate in social status.
"Girls have more difficulty obtaining recognition of their peers, because at this age the physicist is very important", says the IPSIA psychologist, "Even if they are good at sports or stand out for their intelligence or other attitudes."
It is easier for children, where being an athlete is a plus in the social group and to attract the opposite sex, even if they suffer from acne or have an apparatus in their mouths.
3. Find a nucleus of friendships with the same concerns. They exist, says the psychologist: they like the same books, watch the same series, have the same intellectual concerns or even feel equally out of place because of their physical appearance. Having this protection group helps the adolescent to protect himself from the opinion that others have of him. You are not alone.
4. Empathize with them. It does not hurt that parents tell our own experience, that they understand that adolescence is a stage of insecurities and that we have all gone through it. "It will help them to know that in the end they get ahead, that you find love, you have friends, to be reflected in their parents", explains Luis Antón.
And more if the parents have suffered acne and have traveled the same path. There are not usually many photos of those years but if we have them, it would be good to show them.
5. Take care of your health. We have to help you reduce your anxiety, to help your body function well because if you have a lot of stress the body works worse and causes more acne. It is the whiting that bites its tail. You have to take care of your diet and encourage him to play sports.
It is advisable to go to the specialist to treat acne, although according to the psychologist "There is no one hundred percent effective treatment"But you can improve your appearance and strengthen the idea that your parents take their problems seriously and support you, and do everything in their power to help you.
And, above all, show him a lot of love, company and support, even if they only allow us to sit beside him in silence and listen to them when they start talking. That was at least what I needed at his age, when I went through acne. But of course, it is my humble opinion. If you have other tools that can be used to help our teenage children, please let us know. Any help is good!
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