They are our children, we love them madly and we love to realize, when they are still small, that they have the ability to talk to known and unknown people, that they are very sociable and fun.
Some are more so, and others are a little less, distrustful, but with a little time they are able to do things that we would be ashamed to do. However, as they grow, there are many children, if not most, those who are becoming less and less extraverted, and some parents are very surprised: What if as they grow up they are increasingly shy and embarrassing children?
When they are little they simply enjoy
It is like that. When they are young they are dedicated to play, to enjoy, to focus on the things that seem important to them and to ignore others. At two or three years, for example, they may be embarrassing with some specific people they don't know, but once they are confident they are able to sing without asking if they do it right or wrong, to dress in any way without worrying about the image They project, to dance even if they are out of measure and to speak in public without counting on the fact that they can have dozens of spectators (even saying the truths they think and leaving the parents in more than one commitment).
And as I say, to the parents we love to see that spontaneity and that ability to interact with others, precisely because we believe that they will always be like that, that they will have the gift of people, that they will know how to communicate, that they will be spontaneous, funny, funny and talkative, which are characteristics that we consider positive in people.
However, all of that has an expiration date
Now, it happens when they grow up that they mature as people and go from importing everything very little to begin to feel that they are part of a whole, which are one more, and are capable of generating opinions, as well as receiving them from others.
Come on, that begins the socialization to the beast, from the age of 5 or 6, and they begin to avoid certain behaviors to avoid criticism, they begin to select (maybe) the clothes, or the hairstyle, and they have more in mind than everything What they do can have a positive or negative external impact.
And let's not say anything if they intersect with any boy or girl who enjoys laughing at others, or if they seem to see that what he likes is not exactly what the others like best; Come on, if they realize that they want to belong to a group but, because of their way of being, feeling or seeing things, they seem to be excluded.
Is it normal then?
Sure. As we said at the beginning, children do things that adults would not even think about doing, because we are ashamed, in a hurry, because we don't want to expose ourselves. Well, if we also did children, it is clear that at some point we became more conservative, and this usually happens from the moment we started to be part of different groups of friends, basically because we start to care what others think of us.
Are we not all clear that when they are young we can kiss them at the door of the school and when they are older they almost tell you to park the car an apple before arriving? They want to be independent, older, self-sufficient and project an image that they are no longer the children of mom and dad, but that they are the ones who manage their own lives. They are ashamed that they think they should be considered small and begin to behave in a much more controlled manner.
However, sometimes you have to help them
As I say, it is normal for them to become more cautious, calculating and self-conscious when it comes to behaving in front of others, that modesty, shame and shyness appear, and we must respect their times in that sense.
Yes, we can help them if the thing is too exaggerated and they lock themselves in too much, because then they will have a serious socialization problem that will affect communication, self-esteem, self-confidence and the ability to work in groups, negotiate, etc. In such cases, we must surely seek professional psychological help, to find a way to overcome what could be considered a phobia.
We also have to be alert if this happens very quickly, very sharply, if our son was in a concrete way and overnight he completely changes and socially retracts. Here there may be a problem of abuse of some kind and that may be the way parents have to detect it.
On the other hand, if it is not such a beast, but it worries us, we should try to find tools that help them to be more communicative without suffering for it. Many parents "push" their children to carry out shock therapies that can cause a bigger problem: That the child is afraid to speak in public? Well, I point it to theater; Do you have a bad time when you don't know children? Well, I take him there where he doesn't know any children and leave him alone.
This can be a mistake because if it is against your will they can have a really bad time, suffer a lot and generate even more rejection and anxiety. The ideal is to respect their times and, if necessary, help them in another way: accompany them for a while when they are with unknown children until they start to gain some confidence, look for activities in which they have to talk to other children and other people, perhaps in small groups that are then larger and larger, and in which everyone speaks (a reading, discussion group, ...), talk with the teachers to help them out and make them more participants in the class, etc.
Come on, find a balance between forcing, which should never be done, and allowing the child become more introverted, shameful and shy, which also can not benefit you at all, understanding why this happens to them and putting us in their place: if it was me who was in your situation, how would you see it? How would I behave? How did he do it when he was his age?
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In Babies and more | Extremely shy children: what do they feel? "Just as we don't force walking, you don't have to force socialization." Interview with the psychologist Teresa Garcia, when should socialization begin in children?
