Three months ago Kim Chen, father of a three-month-old baby, received devastating news: his wife Florence had been found dead. She had been fighting postpartum depression, until he couldn't take it anymore and decided to take his own life.
A couple of months after his wife committed suicide, Kim shares a message on the Facebook page he created to preserve his wife's memory, in which he addresses all the mothers who suffer this condition in silence.
Florence Leung, Kim's wife and mother of a three-month-old baby, was found dead two weeks after her family reported her lost. His family was worried because they knew he had postpartum depression and had disappeared without a trace.
In the publication that her husband shares, she talks about everything that happened in those days, while referring to a new case of another mother who commits suicide because of postpartum depression and tells the mothers who fight against this problem that they are alone.
In Babies and more "Stop saying you didn't know, because she told you," a mother's post about postpartum depression It has been two months since the Detectives and victim assistance staff showed up at our house, with a serious expression on their faces. I immediately knew what they were going to tell us before they entered the door. Yes, it was just like you were numerous scenes in television dramas, where the police deliver the bad news. That serious look on his face. Except that, as surreal as everything was at that time, this was not television. This is happening to me. This is real life. This should be what patients feel when they hear the terrible "cancer" diagnosis. Everything said after the word with "C" became dark and blurry, overshadowed by the ringing in the ear. The foundations of my life were being taken away, the plans of the future that will never be realized. Everything needs to be rebuilt. I feel like half a year has passed since that day, but in reality it has only been two months. I've been living in survival mode: living one day at a time, sometimes an hour at a time - exactly how several people taught me to do it. Living in the moment is really the only way to go through this stage. While emotional shock and emotional insensitivity gradually diminish, I am experiencing more flashbacks of memories of our 6.5 years of happiness, and for now those memories tend to trigger pain and intense nostalgia. That's why I haven't been watching our photos and videos for the past two weeks. Now I understand the importance of being kind and gentle with myself, and not overwhelming myself intentionally. The time will come when I can feel more relaxed reviewing and writing about Flo and me, and I hope that day is motivated.
In Babies and more More attention to postpartum depression: could affect mothers and their children's behavior for up to 11 yearsAlthough his message is sad and he remembers what is probably the most difficult and painful moment of his life, he keeps hope: "Our baby is growing healthy and is well taken care of, is in the 90th percentile of height and weight, and smiles and laughs a lot! He is starting to sit down and soon he can roll himself"Kim adds.
I would like to share an article about a young mother who died in early 2016 due to postpartum depression. His personality is similar to Flo's in many ways. For all new mothers who are experiencing low mood or anxiety, please seek help and discuss their feelings. You are not alone. You are not a bad mother. NEVER feel bad or guilty for not being able to breastfeed exclusively, even if you feel pressured to do so because of those posters in the delivery rooms, brochures in prenatal classes and breastfeeding classes. Apparently hospitals are designed to be baby friendly only if they promote exclusive breastfeeding. I still remember reading a booklet when Flo left the hospital with the caption "Breast milk should be the only food for the baby during the first six months of life," I also remember reading posters in the delivery room that read "Chest is the best". While I understand the benefits of breast milk, it is NEEDED to also understand that it is okay if you supplement with formula, and that the formula is a completely viable option. I will talk more about this in the future. Thank you all for your prayers and support in all this time, and for all the attention to this devastating condition. They don't know what your comments mean to me.
Postpartum depression is a subject that should not be taken lightly. The changes in a woman's life at birth are very extreme. The hormonal imbalance and lack of rest that come later do not help much. And if that adds to the stress of seeing that your baby sometimes cries and you don't know what he needs, or if like the two mothers Kim mentions, You feel that you have failed to achieve successful breastfeeding, you have all the elements for postpartum depression to appear.
How do I know if I have postpartum depression?
It is normal to feel tired and even sad for moments after delivery. But there is a big difference between feeling discouraged a day or two, to suffer postpartum depression. Some of the signs that indicate a possible postpartum depression are:
- You feel overwhelmed by the situation and you can't get out of the state you are in.
- You have negative thoughts about motherhood and your baby.
- You isolate yourself from your surroundings.
- Sudden crises of anguish or crying invade you.
What happens if I can't breastfeed my baby?
I remember perfectly the first times I tried to breastfeed my daughter. We could not accommodate and although they gave me a very brief breastfeeding advice, I felt like a fool. I could not believe that I could not breastfeed my daughter as nature dictates. Something must be wrong with me. Some nights I spent them crying because I felt like I had failed. My daughter was mixed breastfeeding until eight months and although I felt that I had made the necessary decision at a certain time, I always felt guilty for not breastfeeding exclusively.
But My main mistake was not asking for help. There were hundreds of things that I did not know and that I have learned since I decided to become a mother blogger and get fully into the world of motherhood. But before that, she was just an insecure and fearful first-time mother. Sometimes it seems that everyone acts as if motherhood is the easiest thing in the world, so much so that when you fail to do something correctly, you feel as if you failed.
While breastfeeding is undoubtedly the best food you give your baby, there are many problems that sometimes make it difficult for it to work: that your baby was born prematurely, that you had a caesarean section and separated from your baby for many hours, that it hurts a lot to breastfeed or for your baby to have trouble correctly grasping your nipple. But it is no reason to feel that you failed as a mother.
Although postpartum depression and breastfeeding problems are different situations, both are problematic that overwhelm mothers in one way or another. If you have postpartum depression, ask for help. If you can't breastfeed, ask for help. If you have any problem, ask for help. Remember that you are not alone.
