I tell you a scene that I lived a few days ago, when I returned to my workplace to make the "official presentation" of my baby. I choose that situation because I have it more recent, but the reflection does not start from there, since it is something that I can live quite frequently and surely you also know about worried mothers and calm mothers or, affectionately, "suffered" and "reassured."
Here are the facts in temporary order (say, one hour). One of my companions asked me on a couple of occasions that if the girl was not going to be cold. In addition, when he saw that he was sucking his finger the same companion was a little alarmed, "worried", wondering if she had no wipes, insisting that I clean her hands, that many people had touched her ...
When we changed the room, he told me to put on his jacket or change it, that there was current, that the little girl was going to cool down.
It was then that I said smiling: "You are very worried, right?". And she, who is charming, replied smiling also and with some resignation: "Yes, I can't help it." However, I would accept that she had answered me: "And you are very calm, aren't you?" Yes, I can't help it.
Why be calm?
But let's look in parts why I didn't care so much what she did.
When in doubt if the girl is cold, because mom touches her breast (hot) and hands (a little cooler, like everyone else). We are in a heated room and the baby is on the arm, awake and moving. I have no reason to put the jacket on, I have never been one of those who shelter their babies until August. Even so, I simply answer "No, it's warm."
When the girl start sucking your finger before the possibility of having to clean it with a washcloth I think, and then I would suck the soap and the products of the washcloth? Maybe I could wash his hands under the tap for a moment, but with cold water ... brrrr ...
Although, above all, I think that since she started to suck her finger she had had that concern, she had practically not done anything else: the girl touches something (rattle, my hands, the hands of the grandparents, the nose of the little sister, the cover of the cart, the pacifier with which he plays, his doll, the base of the bathtub ...) wash his hands, because the finger will go immediately to the mouth.
So I simply answer, "Well, I think I don't have wipes, but nothing happens." And I take the little finger from his mouth to put the pacifier on him, knowing that it will not take long to "spit it out" and return to his beloved thumb to fall asleep.
That's when we change the room, the girl is already sheltered in his carrycot, with the hood on and wrapped in the sack of the cart because it is sleeping. It is also then that I am supposed to put the jacket or remove it from the door, a door that does not face the street but a closed corridor, also with heating, and through which no air passes because I am the one that is planted in front to her and I don't notice.
But hey, I push the carrycot away from the door to continue chatting and say "You are very worried, aren't you?"
There are also quiet parents and worried parents
And who says moms worried and calm, says worried and calm dads, because of course you also "subscribe" to one or another trend. Although I would say, I do not know what you will say, that they usually "mate" or gradually spread that tranquility or concern to each other both members of the couple: worried mothers, worried parents; to calm moms, calm dads.
But it is also true that there are disparate couples in this regard, the ones I know have the mother as an example of "concern" and the father as an example of "tranquility", which gives me the impression that it can be a sample of the Most cases
Some friends comment resignedly: "Oh, she cares about nothing." To which I usually answer that it is normal and you have to understand it, although sometimes I read in their eyes "what if it is so normal why are you not like that?").
I think that in the case of disparate couples, it would be best to complement each other, a little bit of concern on your part, a little bit of tranquility for mine, because maybe we will get a good balance.
And there is nothing that worries me?
Although it may seem so, I am not a total "carefree". Yes there are things that concern me: when my baby cries and I don't know why, when he doesn't laugh, when I suspect he is sick, when we go to doctors ... For cold or heat, for forgetting diapers or clothes, I always know that there is more or less at hand.
I do not become obsessed with cleaning the home (something I see that often worries many moms) or worry if one day I do not bathe babies. I don't care if my daughters get dirty, even if they wear freshly released clothes. They are children.
Regarding other babies, it is not I who should worry, but I will say that I am surprised by a certain practice related to the situation that I have explained to you. I am surprised to see babies warm in summer and super warm in winter when we are not in the street. Babies do not have to go dressed as snowmen, just go a little more protected than us.
Is it better to be calm or worried?
I would not dare to affirm that my position is the best, although it has worked well for me and my babies and that's why I'm like that, if I thought I didn't do it right I would try to change, just like moms who do the opposite.
I will not say that sometimes I would not have given myself a header when I realized that I have not replaced the changing table wipes or that I am not carrying a replacement change for the baby, but perhaps more than "tranquility" I blame him for the dismissal and Dozens of things we have to prepare every time we leave home with a baby (almost double with two).
What I do believe may be an inappropriate position is to be at the extremes of worry or tranquility. That is, when we talk about obsession on the one hand or neglect on the other. But of course, where is the limit exactly?
Photos | Ed Yourdon on Flickr In Babies and more | In the maternity plant: types of dads and moms, Types of families
